X-Men: Apocalypse

You know, I honestly couldn't care less if another X-Men movie is ever made. We live in a world so over-saturated with superhero team movies that I feel like it's time to cull some of them, starting with the one that's been here the longest, and the one that makes the least sense. Today, we have about three X-Men timelines, the classic pre-2000 timeline with James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, and all that, the original movie timeline that started with X-Men and ended with Days of Future Past, and now we have the new timeline that was the creation of erasing the wrong-doings of The Last Stand. Deadpool was right, "These timelines are confusing."

But here we are, dealing with the EIGHTH X-Men movie, not counting Deadpool, and what do we have this time around? The adaptation of the Apocalypse story. Anyway, yeah, this story follows the mega-villain Apocalypse as he unleashes his mega plot to destroy and cleanse the world. We've been here a million times before, it's like a damn Age of Ultron re-hash. The plot of this movie does nothing new, and frankly that's sad. But that's not even the worst part of this whole thing.

It's so painfully slow and dull, save for some interesting action setpieces (most notably Quicksilver's running scene), that for the first time ever, I wanted to fall asleep. IN A SUPERHERO MOVIE FOR CHRIST'S SAKES. And to make matters worse, you have actors hamfisting their roles like Jennifer Lawrence, CGI that looks muddy as hell, and just so many bad things through the whole thing that it really starts to feel like an absolute pain to watch.

Is there any good parts to this movie? Well, I mentioned those setpieces, Quicksilver's amazing scene plus the final battle really make this movie somewhat bearable, as both feel like they're actively pumping the little life that's possible to pump into it. There are some actors who do seem to be enjoying themselves, such as McAvoy and Fassbender, who once again seem absolutely great choices for their respected roles. Also, new favorite of mine, Oscar Isaac, is fucking fantastic as Apocalypse, and I'd love to see him get into more villain roles. Oh, and there's one scene that features a regular fan favorite of the series. No spoilers, but it is pretty great to watch.

Overall, Apocalypse just feels like a case of, "been there, done that." It starts off slow and never gets off the ground, and feels like a typical old-fashioned superhero movie, and for that, I give it 4.7 out of 10 stars, that .7 coming from its decent efforts through cast and those few scenes. The fact that some people think this is better than Batman v. Superman is absolutely appalling.

I say it's time for the X-Men to end once and for all.