Top 10: Star Trek Films

"Watch the original films, and then tell me if you still like the reboot films."

Okay.

I decided to watch them, and rather than review them all, I decided to rank them, so here goes. All the Star Trek films, TOS, TNG, and Reboot, ranked from worst to best.

13. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

Okay, so we start out with the fifth TOS film, the Final Frontier. This one is pretty much commonplace at or near the bottom of most rankings and it doesn't change here. Someone on Reddit once said it best: "Only William Shatner could direct a movie where Kirk goes face to face with God, and Kirk comes out on top." The franchise isn't uncommon to having absolute trainwrecks, but this one is a fucking garbled mess on top of another mess. It's got so many shitty plot lines and a whole lot of unnecessary extra, it's almost unwatchable.

12. Star Trek: Insurrection

Keen readers will begin to notice that The Next Generation's films are quite lower tier in comparison to the TOS movies, and Insurrection is a good example as to why. While the TOS films mostly consisted of wild and entertaining adventures with a familiar crew, half of the TNG films just ended up being extended episodes released into cinemas. 

While Star Trek V was just plain shit, Insurrection is just plain dull. I found myself sighing with boredom multiple times all throughout this thing. While past movies spent time with engaging sequences of all sorts, Insurrection spends its time with singing and asking about firm breasts. It's a whole bunch of dreck, and honestly, it's sad to see that this is what my personal favorite ST series was given for its movies. 

11. Star Trek: Generations

And here we are again with another TNG movie, except it's not really a TNG movie, only half of one. See, instead of the producers giving the TNG crew a new and bright adventure to debut onto the screen with, they decided to put Captain Kirk into the mix, I guess to bridge the cap between the two generations (get it) of movie-goers. Now this could have been exciting as fuck, but instead, it ended up being two and a half hours of a jumbled up mess featuring Cameron from Ferris Bueller, Data laughing a lot, and omelettes. The big Kirk and Picard team-up doesn't happen until the end, and Kirk goes and gets himself killed after not doing much at all! Honestly, this one is a super-huge let down...and I can only imagine what it was like in 1994.

10. Star Trek: The Motion Picture

I think this is where we cross the line from movies I dislike to movies I kind of like. The Motion Picture isn't perfect but it's kind of entertaining. While a bit dull, you can genuinely get involved with this story, as it somehow manages to make the idea of a giant space cloud threatening. You can definitely tell this is Star Wars inspired though, and some of the performances (namely William Shatner) are a tad jarring, but overall, it's kind of quality. I'd watch it again.

9. Star Trek: Nemesis

Yikes, I can already hear the collective Star Wars fandom screaming in rage that I dared rank Nemesis above The Motion Picture. But for a first-time viewer, Nemesis actually surprised me. It was a darker tone for Star Trek, one that it kinda pulls off pretty well. Scenes with the main villain Shinzon, played by Tom Hardy, are really frightening. And it inadvertently makes a great send-off for the TNG crew. I wish that the TNG series would have gotten a better send-off movie of a better quality, but I can't completely disregard Nemesis's efforts. Sadly, it's not completely perfect, as once again it features Data singing, and there's a lot of unused potential seen in the many deleted scenes. It's a jagged diamond in a rough time for the franchise.

8. Star Trek Into Darkness

If you would have tasked me with this about three years ago, Into Darkness would have ranked much higher on the list, but upon recent rewatches, I'm starting to see the flaws with this film. It's a movie that starts out really strong with a quite interesting debacle, but slowly unravels into a re-tread of a much better story that we've seen before. It's still watchable, and is of the higher class of Star Trek films, but it's lost in its desperation to be something it's not.

7. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

This is the movie that always surprises people. On paper, there's no way a Star Trek film about whales with no major villain should work. But it does. The Voyage Home manages to rope you in with a good dose of humor and good feelings after a couple of films with a more serious tone. The shenanigans that occur involving the crew in 20th century San Francisco are hella entertaining, and it's probably one of the more watchable and genuinely enjoyable films in the franchise, even if it isn't downright perfect.

6. Star Trek Beyond

Beyond is this generation's The Voyage Home. There, I said it. What's regarded by many as the "most Star Trek film out of the reboot franchise," it's a damn entertaining film to watch. It mixes humor and action, and gives the crew a whole new edge to the mission due to the Enterprise being destroyed by the villain. It's quick-paced, intelligent, and funny...all in the good ways.

5. Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

Ooh, another unpopular opinion, ranking Search for Spock above The Voyage Home, but I found Star Trek III to be a genuinely good film. It's one that shows the well-rounded and established relationship of the entire crew of the Enterprise, coming together for a common good of bringing Spock back to life. It's also got a great Klingon antagonist played by Christopher fucking Lloyd, so it's an 80's fan's dream. Basically TSOS is like peak Star Trek, it's got everything you want in it, and a little more.

4. Star Trek (2009)

Alright, so we're finally rounding out the reboot films with the best one only coming in a respectable 4th place. And I'm sorry old-time Star Trek fans, but the 09 film is still a high-quality film. It's a wonderful showcase of a younger versions of the characters I know and love, and I could easily see the older versions of the characters in the same exact situations that are showcased in this film. I was expecting this one to round out in the top 3 at least, but I was surprised by three more...still, Star Trek 09 is a classic film, and you can hate me all you want for saying it but I don't care.

3. Star Trek: First Contact

THIS. THIS is TNG at its finest. This is the caliber of movie that we should have gotten from Insurrection, Generations, and Nemesis. First Contact is a fine example of what makes the TNG so damn great, mixing in the adventure aesthetic as well as a dash of action, and even a little horror. I couldn't keep my eyes from being glued to the screen, it's all so damn entertaining. First Contact is what happens when everything goes right...it's a shame that everything else went wrong with the TNG line after this.

2. Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

When starting this thing, someone told me that The Undiscovered Country was the best Star Trek film of all time. I had my doubts, surely it couldn't be better than The Wrath of Khan or First Contact. Well, I was very surprised when VI ended up being a close second to the pretty obvious number one spot. Maybe I just have a thing for Cold War parallel films, but The Undiscovered Country shows just how great TOS's crew is while under pressure, maintaining that well-built relationship that was shown so well in The Search for Spock. It also serves as a fine send-off for the crew, ending with a beautiful send-off to the NCC-1701-A and the cast and crew. Beautiful stuff, honestly.

1. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

I mean, come on, this was pretty obvious from the start. The Wrath of Khan isn't only the finest Star Trek film in existence, it's one of the finest science fiction films. This beautifully crafted film serves not only as a call back to old fashioned Trek, it gives us a frightening look at revenge and what it can bring us and what it can take away. Ricardo Montalban KILLS IT as Khan, leading me to believe that we'll never have an actor quite like him (sorry, Cumberbatch). And the rest of the cast ain't half bad either. If you had to pick one film from the list to watch, I would always suggest TWOK, because you can't find better Trek than this anywhere, period.